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Fanfuckingtastic

Asked my friend what's she's up to this weekend - she said 'I'm going to the festival with you'. I don't know what I'm doing, I just show up.

Dear people who can fall asleep easily, how??? Also, I hate you a little bit.

Eh... I'm out tonight. #numb #kindanice

Neither presidential candidate has committed to keeping the price of Costco hot dogs at $1.50, which worries me

Oh my fucking G*d. Please help.

Some ppl don't know this, but it takes zero effort to not be a piece of shit.

Friend: What’s your favorite heist move? Me: Muppets Take Manhattan! Next question.

Wait. Not everything on here is true? What the fuck??

Just signed my nephews leg cast, ‘Last warning: Bitch better have my money’

I spilt a gallon of paint in my driveway, and my basement flooded after a washing machine malfunction. My life's one big " that didn't go as fucking planned' #fanfuckingtasticday

A coworker was stressed to tears, so one of our nurses played this to cheer her up youtu.be/1XYoduQMAjU?fe…

Bloody hell, insomnia sucks. I've had a 'restful' 1hr 15 min

At the end of the day, it's all about #Freedom

I'm saving too many chores for rainy days because every day is gorgeous!

DO NOT remove your card, don’t even think about it REMOVE IT NOW! NOW!! YOU PIECE OF SHIT PLEASE REMOVE YOUR CARD

Baby, here we go again

AI is scary af. It's already difficult to know what's RL. *done *

My house nearly fucking burnt down. Thank my kids for removing the #smokealarm because it 'kept going off'. #idonotlikeplastics

Cheers to nearly burning down the house!