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Nathan: “you look Nice” Lacey: “Nice, your Nan looks Nice” #MAFS #MAFSUK

Nathan reminds me of that beaver from Lady and The Tramp. #MAFS #MAFSUK

It must be awful for famous people to see their name trending, imagine having to google yourself to make sure you’re not dead.

This is why I wouldn’t be allowed the responsibility of naming a new species.

My daughter is nine days back at school and the runny nose has already started. It will continue to run until May.

Tip of the Day: Don’t marry dickheads.

Charlie and Eve’s Wedding vs their Honeymoon. #MAFS #MAFSUK

FFS Caspar, what do you mean, you don’t fancy your sister. #MAFS #MAFSUK

Lacey: Two of my friends died in a car crash. Nathan: cool. #MAFS #MAFSUK

Oh, it turns out he does a bit. #MAFS #MAFSUK

Why do you love #MAFS

When people reply with a serious comment when it was only meant to be a silly tweet. I’m not here for a debate, Karen.

I’ve lost loads of followers over the last week. Look, if you sign back up today, I’ll send you a free Parker pen or carriage clock.

I don’t usually like Henry Hoovers, mainly because I don’t like dragging his sorry little ass about. But in his defence he did just try to vaccum up a light bulb and I appreciate that level of confidence.

I think Sacha is about to learn that star signs are a load of bollocks. #MAFS

Adam looks like he’s just heard the ice cream man but his mum has told him to get a choc ice from the freezer instead. #MAFS #MAFSUK

Probably best to stop talking now, Adam. #MAfS #MAFSUK

Sacha has been celibate for 9 months. Probably the same nine months she was pregnant with her cat babies. #MAFS #MAFSUK

To be fair, he’s pretty convincing.

We all know how this story ends.