My 6 year old has been talking about "bosoms" all afternoon. She is definitely my child.

It's shocking how far people will go to fuck up a good thing.

Ever wonder if your accounts are being hacked, but you're pretty sure the culprit is too fucking stupid to pull it off?

One of those shitty days where I just hate everyone.

Congrats to our pal, @TylerrJoseph, and his awesome band twenty one pilots on the sweet new album! Way to go guys!

You are so laughably pathetic *waves*

Ice cream, chocolate, a string cheese and bed before 9. I'm winning at life.

How are people so blind to what is right in front of them?

This weekend was quite interesting, I'm sad that it's over.

Would be cool if I could hold some food down. This puking thing is getting really old.

I guess I'm the only person who doesn't give a shit about Caitlyn Jenner or Kim Kardashian getting KTFU.

If I just make it through today without killing someone, I will call it success.

People that don't just say what's on their mind should be shot. Have some integrity, people.

A donut is just a gay bagel.

Republicans are unnaturally concerned with Mexicans and vaginas.

Relistening to the interview with "E" on Truth & Justice...still one of the best moments on the show.

No rest for the wicked. Not sure what I did, but it must've been bad.

Why is my past in my dreams on New Years? So, so wrong.

Can we all just agree that "hubby" is not a real word and stop saying it? That'd be great.

Ted Danson is so dreamy.