I thought about starting a swear jar but my income can't keep up with my mouth!

Don't come to me for advice, we'll end up in a bar.

Do I look as tired as I feel?!? Lmao 🤣 😵‍💫🥴

The calm before the storm here at work. 😳

Think I'm going to wear Velcro shoes from now on. I mean, why knot?

I’ve trained my dog to go and fetch me a bottle of wine. He’s a Bordeaux collie.

I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

I’m seriously thinking about re-marrying my ex-wife, but I’m pretty sure she’ll figure out... I’m only after my money.

I wanted to thank everyone for sticking with me while I figured out the meaning of 'many'. It means a lot. ☺️🙏🏻🤔

I asked my wife what she wants for our anniversary, she said “a divorce.”

I said, “I wasn’t planning on spending that much.”

What is a doctor who specializes in Adam's apples called. A guyneckologist.🤣😂🤣

I think think my best friend is having an affair with my ex wife. He's been really miserable lately.

🤣😂🤣😂🤣

That’s Huge Jackman! 🤣😂🤣😂🤣

This year, instead of worrying about what's under the tree just be grateful for who's still here to be around it.🙏🏻☺️

I can't wait until I'm old enough to pretend I can't hear! 🤣😂

You know you are getting old when you keep running into your friends at the pharmacy instead of out at the nightclub!

🥹

You have basically brought one back to
Life, and hopefully, the other, back to my life! #MySon #ForeverGrateful . 🥰🙏🏻🇬🇧