Sure, potato mashers will stop a drawer from closing, but no one talks about the conspiratorial nature of tongs.

5 years ago today this is what I was directing at work! I love what I do.

Today I’m celebrating the 10th anniversary of my midlife crisis

this painting is titled:
Here, I Changed Him Last Time

please do not be jesus

i may have a problem

The check out person was rude and judgmental

*it was self checkout

A disappointment rating service, call it Welp

All right Grandpa, you may have walked up hill in the snow both ways to school but we get to step on Lego sets that come with wizard hats and pointy weapons

When I said “goodnight kiddo, I love you” did I somehow give you the impression that I wanted to see you again before morning

[translating hieroglyphics]

No
What
Do
YOU
Want
For
Dinner