Me: Hey, let me have your Hulu and Netflix passwords.
My ex-husband: Oh, let me ask Karen; They're her accounts.
Me: Well, remind her I let her have my husband, and the least she can do is spare her passwords.

What day is it again?

They multiplied.

the moment when everybody finds out about chandler and monica

*slaps table* Red pepper flake me, baby.

My third stage of life guy is out there somewhere. Where are you?

Heeeyyyyy yaaaaaaah.

Nerdy women with tattoos are my kryptonite.

I love it when they slap it a little bit, slide it down between your lips, and then push it in there while they watch you take it.

Craving your hands in my hair…

100% soy wax, hemp wick, Polished and raw Fluorite stones with a clear quartz point. smells like gardenia.

Welcome to Twitter, where the freaks don't just come out at night..

Dorky and cheesy is my love language.

I want the confidence my dick has in the morning

Sext: Nap with me

'Now all these bitches wanna try and be my bestie'

- me, on Twitter

If Twitter had a smell, it'd be like hot rotting garbage and old bodily fluids.