You there boy, when’s bin day?!

Merry Christmas from The DJM! x
🎄❤️🎁

#MerryChristmas

I was going to have Bucks Fizz for breakfast this morning but I'm having trouble making my mind up...

#MerryChristmas

I got “Bonopoly” last Christmas, it's a very similar game to the original but the streets have no names...

Dads watching kids open Christmas presents from ‘Mum & Dad’ when they have no idea what it is they have bought them…

I'm releasing a Christmas single this year called 'Lets all Feed the World and let them know its Christmas Time'.
People ask me how I get away with Plagiarism, I tell them it's as simple as ripping off a Band Aid.

I'm bringing out a version of the Band Aid song...

‘Duvet Know It's Christmas?’

It's a cover...

If you see this car ring the police,
It's stollen.

Hosanna in Excel sheets!

Really excited to open the first door on my advent colander this morning…

#December1st

Did you know that if you have a breakdown in an electric car you can still use the AA…

However if it's a small electric car you have to use the AAA.

I’m going to have to return the camouflage jacket I bought last week...

I just can’t see myself wearing it.

BREAKING NEWS!
Storm Ciaran has blown the roof off our local cheese factory...

There's de brie everywhere.

#storm #StormCiaran

I spent my entire life savings on pasta.

It was worth every penne.

#NationalPastaDay
#InternationalPastaDay

Lord Nelson was about 5ft 6. His statue is 17ft 4.

That’s Horatio of about 3:1

#TrafalgarDay

I have decided that from the start of next week I am going to dress as a different kind of bread every day.

Roll on Monday!

Apologies for the angry post…

Today is #WorldMentalHealthDay 🌍 And it’s time for action.

Take that first step to getting help. Or share this post and help us reach someone who really needs to see it 💙

As lonely as it feels when you’re struggling with your Mental Health please know you’re not alone. Today is World Mental Health Day, but every day we should talk about our mental health.

#WorldMentalHealthDay #MentalHealth All On The Board

Stop.