What do you call a superhero with a bad sense of direction?

Wander woman.

A B-flat, a E-flat and a G-flat walk into a bar.

The bartender says 'Sorry I don't serve minors'.

What have you got if you have too many knights?

A sir-plus.

We should be able to call in healthy: “I'm not coming in today. I feel really good and I don't want to waste it on being at work.”

My newborn is thrilled to finally have some more space to stretch out.

He was running out of womb.

How can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?

Easy, one will see you later, the other will see you in a while.

At the Olympics I saw an athlete carrying a long stick and asked him:
'Are you a pole vaulter?'

He replied: 'No I'm German but how do you know my name is Walter?'

It doesn't matter if you're straight, gay or bisexual.

At the end of the day, it's night.

Why did the sad ghost use an elevator?

To lift his spirits.

What do you call a French guy being mauled by a lion?

Claude.

My friend said, 'My kid refuses to eat fish. What do you think is a good replacement?'

Me: Cats. Cats love fish.

In 3,026 years, life will either be really good or really bad.

It's 5050.

What should you do if you're addicted to sea weed?

Sea kelp.

A sperm donor, a carpenter and Julius Caesar walked into a bar.

He came, he saw, he conquered.

Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need..

... to let that mango.

My boss told me to have a good day.

So I went home.