AM - From the Latin 'ante meridiem', meaning 'before noon'.
PM - From the English 'Prime Minister' as this is the part of the day when we usually get a new one.

Humpty Dumpty in even more trouble next time.

“Bluegate Gravel Pit, a̵s̵t̵r̵o̵n̵a̵u̵t̵ pond. A pond barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the t̵e̵c̵h̵n̵o̵l̵o̵g̵y̵ rainfall”

And it won’t cost $6m. Lovely to see the moorhens able to have a bath again. My soaking yesterday paid off!

Johnson has issued a correction. References to the support of “102” MPs should be read as “1 or 2” MPs.

It’s a bit damp on the Common this morning. Not so much ship as submarine weather. This purports to be a path.

Frosty the ‘No’ man.

It’s where he’ll have to go if he wants to see the weens again.

CLIENT: Why are you here?

ME: I’m your barrister

CLIENT: But I sacked you months ago. Remember? You lied and broke the law and proved yourself wholly incompetent.

ME: Yeah, but you instructed me in 2019. So I have a mandate. Boom!

*HIGH FIVE. WE ENTER COURT. CLIENT GETS LIFE*

Regular Dayve fans will recall that she’s taken to sitting on cushions used to stop her sitting on my sofa seat. She normally sits in the middle, and so Mouse and I have agreed that turnabout is fair play. #Caturday

Such a shame that the bloke opposite on the Thameslink can’t afford headphones and instead the whole carriage needs to listen to his terrible music piped squeakily from his phone.

Violence is never the answer, Rishi.

I’ve just ordered an Old Fashioned and it appears to have been frozen in carbonite like Han Solo.

A very limited colour palette for the common this morning, but despite the drizzle it’s extremely peaceful (moorhens fed, not pictured).

The moral of the story - don't take on tofu. The curds always get their whey.

Now coming back to reality from virality, and getting used to not having 20+ notifications every time I look. A little short of 30k in the end, but Twitter tells me I have made an impression on an American industrial conglomerate, so that’s nice.