Me, watching my life go to shambles: “so y’all think those ridge wallets are worth the hype or what

In hindsight, D’Angelo doing an “I’m as surprised as you” celebration when he finally made his second three may have been a bad sign.

D’ANGELO DID A THING

I remember when LeBron was in high school so it’s possible he’s actually 39 but it seems more likely all of my memories were artificially implanted and/or time is a lie

D’Lo is 1/5 from 3 and 2/5 is 40% but it feels like he has missed all the threes ever taken and at least a few threes that will not be shot until decades from now

Look the Penix pick was fun but let me tell you a story about a man named Renaldo Balkman

If it’s not a shooting foul then let’s not count end-of-quarter heaves as shots unless they go in, and we should absolutely be doing that anyways

Jumping is really Having a Moment this week

HO LEE SHEEEEEEEEEEE

I’d you’re looking for a LeBron deep cut he once timed a half-court shot with the hack-a-Ben Wallace foul and made it but they didn’t count it as an and-1, tragically. I believe JVG said on commentary that Kobe had tried the same thing in a hack-a-Josh Powell situation.

Is there any way the Wizards’ last possessions of regulation and OT — a missed 31-footer by Poole and a missed 34-footer by Kuzma, respectively — were as funny in real life as they are in my head

Like 40% of the basketball internet will say “what people fail to understand is that scoring points and getting buckets are two very different things” and think it is the smartest goddamn thing ever

That’s not analytics at all though. Literally your example could have been “and you have to have two-party consent to record a phone call in many states” and it would be just as much about analytics

That’s not celebration, that’s career 45.9% FT shooter Michael Ruffin reflexively doing anything he can to avoid shooting late-game FTs

The Russell Westbrook trade was one of the worst trades in NBA history because it may have occurred in the last years of LeBron’s window to be the best player on a title team

Leaking the location to the Bothans is 100% Shiv move

Roman underestimates the Ewoks

Gerri proposes putting the funds into the TIE Defender project

Nobody is good at basketball

Imagine being this immune to your own wrong takes. It’s like the T-1000 if bullets were shame.

LeBron paradoxically getting more catch-and-shoots from deep than before -- 62.8% 3pt assisted regular season (highest since rookie year), 55.6 3pt assisted postseason (3rd-highest career). Guess he prefers dribbling into them.