Why is it if you don’t want weeds to grow in your garden you have to nuke them from orbit but if you want spinach you have to spray them with Chanel No 5, tuck them in at night, and sing to them in Gaelic?

Which of you, if he opens a new tab, will read the old tab, or if reading an old tab will open a new one? Finish the old tab and then open a new tab, and both are read. And no one after opening new tabs wants old tabs, but says “I should do something else with my Saturday.”

And when you read do not have many open tabs as the gentiles do, because they think they will read because of their many tabs. But when you read, go into your room and close your laptop and read a book, and your Father who sees in secret will see you have actually read.

Okay this in itself is actually a pretty funny story