Oh daaaaaaaaaamn. Defendant just turned up wearing a bow tie
#courttweet 😚🎀🎻🏛🥂

Shoplifter: “if you look at my criminal record, I’m not a thief. I’ve just been a dickhead most of my life”
#courttweet 🥴🙌🍆⚖️💣📉

Defendant gets praised by the judge for letter from boss saying he “usually turns up on time and has sober habits”
#courttweet 🫠👍🍻⏰

Judge to defendant on AVL: “can you see and hear me, and do you understand I’m a judge?”
D: “you look the part”
J: 👀
#courttweet 🥸☠️👏⚖️

Nothing says ‘self-represented’ like bringing your important documents to court in a reusable supermarket bag
#courttweet 😑☠️👏👀🍿

Lawyer asks for court to excuse his client’s absence because “he has diarrhoea”
Cheers, mate.
#courttweet 🤢💩💧🍛🚽

Defence lawyer on ‘sick’ client: “[on the phone] it sounded like he was vomiting, while I was trying to eat my breakfast. It’s either an Oscar-winning performance or he’s telling the truth.”
#courttweet 🤢🤮☠️☎️🎬

Defendant to judge: “I’m hoping I get bail this week because it’s my birthday on Sunday” #courttweet 😉🤙🍻🥂🎉🎁

Lawyer’s child runs into background of AVL during hearing.
Judge: “was that a brief appearance by junior counsel?”
Lawyer: “I’m just happy he was clothed”
#courttweet 😊👨‍👦👖👶💻❌

Judge on recidivist burglar seeking bail: “he’s been to court nearly as many times as me!”
#courttweet 🤨😹🔥🍻⚖️

Probation discussing black spot in home D address toilet: “how often does someone spend hours and hours in the toilet?”
Judge: “I’m not going to comment on that”
#courttweet 🤭💩🚽🛁🧻

Lawyer defending drug dealer addicted to pokies: “I remember when I was 20 and discovered those machines. It was a hell of a problem to sort through”
#courttweet 😎🧎🎰💻⏰

Lawyer asks for client to be brought to court rather than beamed in by AVL. Judge asks why.
“I like to feel and see and smell my client, sir”
#courttweet 😶🖐👀👃🙉⛷⚖️

Lawyer asking for home D because it comes below the two-year “threshpoint”
#courttweet 😘👌🗣🕶⚖️

AVL link: “you are the only participant”
Lawyer: “sounds like my marriage”
#courttweet 😬👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨🔥🍾💎🔪

Judge: “where’s your lawyer?”
Defendant: “don’t know, sir”
J: “what did they look like?”
D: “like a person, sir”
#courttweet 🤔👀👓🙈⚖️

Judge sentencing offender to home D in Paeroa asks him what he knows about the town.
Him: “ummm, L&P?”
#courttweet 🤷🥃🍋✈️⚖️

Judge: “rule of thumb: stay away from people with ‘EVIL’ tattooed on them”
#courttweet 😏👹👌🖋⚖️💡

Judge: “is the victim not a person?”
Lawyer: “she’s a police officer, your honour”
#courttweet 🤔🗣👮🚔⚖️

Judge bemused by shoplifters choice of stolen food:
“Chicken fingers? CHICKEN? FINGERS?”
#courttweet 🤔🖐🐔🐣🍽