we all live in an addams family
an addams family
an addams family

Not one company ended their relationship with Kayne’ when he said, “Slavery was a choice!”

one of medicine’s favorite jokes is making people with ADHD pick up a medication every 30 days

If you Hocus, do we not Pocus?

Roses are red
I wrote this on the shitter
I don’t have a sense of humor but

it's the time of year i remember when i worked at a liquor store and had to refuse a keg to a clown, there are few things funnier than watching a clown throw a temper tantrum

Operator: 9-1-1, what’s your emergency?

Manager: There’s a guy in my karaoke bar with a katana that’s been singing Kung Fu Fighting on repeat and won’t let anyone else have a turn or let us leave

Me: *over the karaoke microphone* Now you’re gonna TELL ON ME?

we had a substitute german teacher who was an actual literal n*zi and had to be taken off of the school property by police

i was clocking out of my job and said 'can't wait to go home and eat soup' out loud

Y'all name strains of weed like you're selling cryptocurrency

At this point, I may need to create my own alternative to Twitter.

Who's ready to enter the Emmaverse?

(Yes, we'll have cat videos.)

Coworker: You have any plans after work today?

My Plans:

You left out the first part where his incestuous father owned a blood emerald mine

I think my fairy godmother must be a tatted up, alcohol swilling, sex starved, adorable little thing.

I don’t understand why “I don’t want to get sick” is such a controversial point of view 😕

his full name is dr ounce

'Trick or treat,' sounds like Sarah Palin calling one of her children.

People hyped up how great it would be once we legalized weed but I've had to take out three loans to get enough edibles to give out on Halloween, I'm ruined