I’ve said it before, but if we all just decided not to take part in Monday, there’s nothing anyone could do about it. But some of you always crack and actually start the day. Ruins it for the rest of us. We have to hold strong as a unit. Shame.

You’ve had a Sunday roast at 3pm.

What are you eating at 6pm?

When you’re having a Sunday roast at home, what time do you usually like to aim for?

Happy Sunday 🥔 ❤️
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I’ve said “good for the garden” and “nice weather for ducks” far too many times this month. It’s getting silly. In actual fact my garden is flooded and even the ducks look like they’ve had enough.

Anyway, I look forward to complaining about it being too hot and dry this summer.

Might swim to the shop for the Sunday papers in a bit.

“We’re going out tonight if you fancy it?”

Me texting back, in my pyjamas, climbing into bed, reaching for my eye mask, about to turn my phone to do not disturb: “okay, might see you down there!”

Big fan of pencilling.

Happy Saturday. Hope you’re enjoying a mug of something hot (tea, preferably).
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Slightly change a film quote to make it very British.

I’ll go first:

Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a monkeys.

My shopping routine:

1. Arrive at till with pile of loose items and realise I’ve forgotten my bag
2. Refuse 40p carrier bag
3. Waddle to car with food stacked and balanced up my torso and held in place under my chin
4. Remember my keys are in my pocket
5. Very carefully free…

10pm: “So tired, going to bed”

3am and 356 Wikipedia pages later: “Ah so that's why there are holes in Swiss cheese…”

What do you call this in your household?

Who had this absolute legend? On its own little table. “Hello, 380534”. Twiddling the springy cable while you talked. Good times.

Top 30 British expressions:

1. Right, what’s all this then?
2. Don’t get your knickers in a twist
3. All gone pear-shaped
4. I’m in a bit of a pickle
5. It’s not my cup of tea
6. I’m chuffed to bits
7. I’m full of beans
8. Happy as Larry
9. What a load of…
10. He’s off…

Exceedingly British.

Totally stealing this insult from Shakespeare