Huge change—Airlines operating in the U.S. will soon have to AUTOMATICALLY REFUND you when your flight is cancelled or delayed (3 hours domestic, 6 hours into’l) or bag is lost. Refunds within 7 business days. The new Biden DOT rule starts in 6 months.

it’s kind of beautiful that all flight attendants are either gay sons or thot daughters. in the skies they are finally free

My laptop: *cannot find printer*
Me: *gesturing* look it's right there

Growing up, Sesame Street taught me the importance of education, empathy, and kindness.

Bugs Bunny, on the other hand, taught me that revenge on my enemies should be quick, clever, and brutal.

promise rings are so cute, gonna get myself 1 and promise myself to stop being a dumb bitch

periods need to be 45 mins max. dispel the underutilized egg and get tf out my face

I want to make bath bombs that look like miniature toasters.

'please make sure your phones are on silent at this time'

my phone has been on silent for the last 10 years, if it makes a noise I smash it against the pavement

One time in undergrad I put off writing a paper until the day it was due and I woke up at 4 am and wrote 15 pages in one sitting, and it turned out totally fine and I got good feedback. It's the worst thing that ever happened to me and I wish I could go back in time and undo it

My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I'm loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen 'to get something.'

The sexual tension between me and eating my lunch before 11am

THIS MAN CAME TO MY JOB AND CALLED ME RUDE AND ASKED ME FOR CORPORATE NUMBER...I GAVE HIM MY NUMBER HE SNATCH THE PAPER OUT MY HAND TALKIN BOUT YOU ARE DONE 😂 NAH BUDDY YOU ARE WHEN U CALL THAT NUMBER AND ITS ME AGAIN 😭🤣

I’ve officially rescheduled my wedding to 2026… such a difficult decision but it’s for the best due to due my schedule and the current climate. It will also give me more time to find the person I’m marrying so I guess it works out.

I hope this email punches you square in the face

I’m not looking between no goddamn letters on no motherfucking keyboard

The reason I remain on this hellsite.

i smell a pulitzer

I am definitely not superstitious at all but I am certain everything went wrong today because I forgot to put on earrings

New mom: any advice?

Mom 1: sleep when the baby sleeps

Mom 2: eat when the baby eats

Me (who has no children): check your email when the baby checks their email

Who is she?