If anesthesiology is the study of anesthesia and mineralogy is the study of minerals, what is analogy?

My best seduction move is to whisper in his ear real sexy like “let’s go silently judge people”

Usually my stories involve alcohol and bad decision process

Can’t open this app in public. SMH!

He’s a 10, but only with a hat on. 🧢

Breaking news: I don’t make the best decisions *rocks back and forth*

Might fuck around and start sending “Good morning, handsome” texts to like 30 dudes here

it's weird to miss someone you've never met

Happy Friday you freaks. Send coffee please!

Me: No more relationships for a while, it’s time to focus on myself.
Other Me: You are hot, single and your 🐱 ready to tingle 😳😳😈

Saw this eyes tightening cream and immediately thought if it would be ok to apply it to my vagina

Decided to run for a few minutes. My heart: either you stop or I’ll make you

I can’t even meet my daily water intake. What makes you think I’ll meet my soulmate!

Relationship status: I want you. You want someone else. Someone else wants me

'Drunk minds speak a sober heart' Uhhh most time when I’m drunk I’m just talking a lot of shit

People telling me they don’t like my music taste. Well, I don’t like your face, but I choose to stay quiet

Me and my besties don’t have matching bracelets. We have matching shitty love lives

You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning. Cheers!

😭☠️

The problem with good dick is that an entire man comes attached to it