United just announced they’re changing their boarding to this! You’re welcome.

If you need help moving, my mom recommends Two and a Half Men and a Truck.

My teen said I’m annoying but not the most annoying person she’s ever met and that sounds like a challenge to me.

My son went to the mall with friends today & used his debit card for the first time. It was the most classic teenager at the mall purchase ever.

Planes should board all the window seats first. Then the middles. Then the aisles. Sitting here expectantly and unseatbelted on the aisle like I’m waiting for a blind date.

I kind of want to be in a book club, but I only want to read the books I want to read. Basically I just want a small group of friends who will read whatever I tell them to. Basically I want a cult

Reached the age where I asked my spouse to help me finish an ice cream cone.

I was discussing colleges with my 11 y.o. and he called one I mentioned a “nerd college.”
“Why do you call it that?” I asked.
“Because a lot of teachers from my school went there, and you have to be really smart to be a teacher.”

Take that into your Monday. ❤️❤️❤️

If someone you care about is having a tough time, and maybe it’s unspecified or not a Big Problem, or you just don’t know what to say or do, take a page from a very thoughtful friend of mine. She nailed it.

Fyre me once, shame on you. Fyre me twice…

Wisconsin supper club dinner party was a success (even got temps in the 80s). Nothing beats summer in the Midwest, but a few folks in NC can try.

Can’t explain how happy I feel to be an old person at a young person’s show; like, yes I paid for this lawn chair but also, young lady please move in front of me so you can see, this is your night.

“no one remembers the weird thing you said at that party” actually the weird thing you said has become a sacred inside joke that bonded several people at that party together forever

[explaining the plot of my favorite book to my date]
me: so you know how most caterpillars are only a little hungry?

The greatest compliment you will ever receive as a parent is finding out that your kids’ playlist is filled with songs you made them listen to when they were riding in the backseat.