chilis has always been a solid bit, never once thought it’d be a reality for me though. crazy how life is so full of surprises

for every like i’ll have a second beer

(me who has been dumb and forgetful my whole life) i really think covid messed with my brain

grown ass man shopping for a selfie mirror at ikea

you start flirting on twitter & next thing you know you find yourself sending a just landed text while a little shitposter is circling the arrival terminal

one thing i forgot about living in the midwest is how often i find myself in a situation where im ordering fried cheese curds for the table

another “never drinking again” sunday. let’s go celtics

(on a first date 3 margaritas deep) sorry if im acting weird it’s just i’ve never felt this kind of love before

put on my special occasions shirt to drink espresso martinis at chilis grill and bar

i know it’s short notice but are you free to babysit this weekend? pretty easy gig you just have to make me a hot dog and carry me to my bed when i fall asleep on the couch after drinking 12 beers

(person who tweets 78 times a day) i just want to disappear into a forest and never talk to anyone again

me with that hot mutual whose bf sucks “he did it again huh”

a girl once brought me back a big bottle of beer from a brewery she visited on a trip and i almost cried

by the age of 30 you should have contemplated if sports gambling is your only path to retirement

summer date idea: fly out to banff national park for a hike and then get obliterated at the most beautiful chilis

glad you made it safely, i’m home now too. have a great night