my stoic and autistic husband: she looks so vulnerable while she sleeps

me having the back in school nightmare where my “friends” make me perform the clint eastwood rap again: finally someone let me out of my cage-♫

beyonce if she was transgender: suck on my balls, paws

feel bad for the unlucky bastard who gets assigned ME as his brood slave…

do the other oomfs touch you like i do ?

trying to flirt with a guy at the bar but ive only ever edated before: you are such a ƒ𝖺g

Costume party is so cruel. u want me to introduce myself to a bunch of new people wearing clothes im not comfortable in and wouldnt normally choose for myself…IDIOT. selfish idiot.

white boy with circle glasses goes to cafe orders lavender oatmilk latte with a straight face

friday 5x5 :)

fuck my stupid bread and circuses life

No college degree but i can do this! *rolls up tongue into clover*

Date who does stuff with computers: haha ;) i mean not to brag but i can do that t-OW

*kicked him hard under table*

tiktok or the pandemic or something has convinced alot of people that having an office job can be considered indie. its not and very obviously cannot ever be indie

*under breath* you’ll make a kind old man one day :)

male bartender: what did u say?

*standing straight up abruptly*: you dont want to get involved in this

defending my girl from a hoard of drunk townies using my high lumen flashlight and when we get back to the car she looks…mad at me ?

5x5 friday, if u even care !!!

lowkey my hometown is the perfect place to raise a family 🤦