F it! A round of tequila shots for everyone!

*gets put in handcuffs

*giggles and blushes

sex workers do more for the economy than presidents.

Me and my dad, once upon a time 😊

Just watch 7’s soccer team win a tournament that ended in penalty kicks! I’ve had my fill of anxiety for the entire week.

also, can you get that spider

no places to collapse so we keep dancing

Dear journal,

AND ANOTHER THING

Just over here trying to upward spiral my entire existence into something extraordinary, so like the lady said.. you do you, boo. 🫶

Sundays are for scrolling and judging like God intended.

Bro, do you even like to oat opples and bononos?

Happy Father’s Day, ya filthy animals! There are some really outstanding ones here—too many to list, but you guys are important, and I see you. Enjoy your day!
🤍😘

Life is short. Waste it on Twitter.

Hear me out… OnlyDads: an online platform for men with dad bods, (beards-optional), who like to tinker in the garage, watch WWII documentaries and know how to cook up a mean Saturday morning breakfast.

Take me here

If people don't like you it's ok.

If dogs don't like you, then it's time to do some reflection.

Student: What was it like growing up in the 90s?

Me: Everything smelled like cucumber melon but the music was amazing

High-functioning alcoholic feels like a backhanded compliment.