three year olds are so earnest it makes me want to cry. 'mama look, an airplane! mama, do you hear the bird?? look, I made a caterpillar at school!'

i dont want him to ever become self-aware or self-conscious i just want him to be this excited about everything forever and ever.

i will just be asking alexander hamilton why he cheated on eliza.

twitter is the ultimate dating app

my favorite thing my toddler does is when i pick him up from his little half-day preschool, he points to me from the playground and says, 'LOOK!!!! IT'S MIGUEL'S MOMMY!!!'

yes this is true, i get my hair cut regularly now and get my nails done once a month like the selfish psychotic bitch i am.

these shirts are back in style and i am ready to look like an olsen twin.

sometimes i think about how one day there will be no new taylor swift songs to hear for the first time and it makes me sad.

i heard a gen z person talk about being 'boy sober' and back in my day, we just said that 'jesus was our boyfriend.'

what did you look like in 2013?

gosh iphone camera quality was so bad a decade ago

i wonder if musicians listen to their own songs the same way i go back and read all my best tweets. same thing.

How do I keep the horrifying puppy story off my timeline without keeping actual puppies off my timeline?!

just cleaned out my van and had the humbling experience of discovering how many cake pops i have purchased for my children.