I’m no reproduction phd, but if dicks shot margaritas there would be a lot less pregnant women out there

Sex is a dopamine shot. So I’m not a ho, I’m a nurse

i can root for you & tell you to “go fuck yourself”

i’m versatile like that

Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Embarrass yourself today

I think you look really good with that black shirt on and my thighs around your neck

Triggering each others traumas and chill?

~ Me flirting

“This song made me think of you” to me is better than “I love you”

Next time I have segz pistachio butter will be involved

For Father’s Day I’m sending my ex a participation trophy and a cookie

I block pieces of shit in replies…..for the record

I got pistachio butter. Game over!

Good dick spell is a thing. Then when it passes and you reread your “in your feelings” older texts, you slap your own face and apologize to your ancestors

Spent most of the afternoon on my back, just like your mom.

Laughing together is a vibe and non-negotiable at this point. Idc how good looking, smart and successful a man is, if the sense of humor doesn’t match it’s not meant to be

Kinda bored. Gonna text him “we need to talk” then go silent

I laid on his chest and heard 3 girls laughing at me

I hate unspoken words. Say what you mean and mean what you say

Women care too soon. Men care too late. And it’s often a cruel joke of mismatched timing

Named my alarm clock Snooze Dawg bc I’m mature like that