Careful now

I'd like to apologize in advance for my memoirs written in fuck-it-all-sparkle-magenta. 💖💃

Was going to make a cake for Ben Schwartz' birthday, but decided it was more appropriate to eat donuts while running. 🥳🦔💙

How early in the year are you allowed to listen to Monster Mash?

Is anyone else struggling to follow the plot of House Rings of the Power Dragons? 🐲😨

Wow! 😍

I'm supporting this book so I have something to angrily point to and say "SEE THIS??" every time some humorless twat argues with me about my writing. I'm sure there are many nice reasons to buy the book as well. Probably.

Ask the cattle.

Journey's "Open Arms" played in reception whilst I waited for my vacations. Perfect.

"Seagull with diarrhea barely makes it to crowded beach in time"

ME: Are we drinking on the job? MY BOSS: You gotta start somewhere.

Men will literally buy 26 samsung galaxy note 7 tablets instead of going to therapy.

My family informs me Clue isn't a Halloween movie. Which only tells me one thing, THEY AREN'T MY REAL FAMILY! 😱

Are all Predators predators? Are they all into hunting? Or are there some who are just chill? Maybe they like landscape painting or playing folk music?

OMG! OMG! OMG! I just bought front row tickets to see Richard K Herring interview someone he hasn't announced yet! Everything about this is thrilling!! It's already the best lottery ticket I've ever purchased. 🥳

If you're coming to see Mark Gatiss on RHLSTP on Monday (and if you're not, why not?) then there are only a few £18.50 tickets left. Book now or the price leaps another £3! leicestersquaretheatre.com/richard-herrin…

It happened again... again.

For anyone looking to help, we have almost reached our goal in the fundraiser to help with Thad's end-of-life expenses. Thank you for your consideration. gofund.me/e464929e