'On being a woman, wearing makeup, and being mature: “I wear makeup because everyone I know looks like a newborn baby.”'

twitter.com/theJohnHerrick…

Eight more years! Eight more years!

Gøõdbÿę çrùêł wōrłd

This is very good hair

It’s called a sidewalk, not a side-stop-and-doubt-yourself.
It’s a foot path, not a foot locker.

Nein!

Fur get about it. twitter.com/1animaladvocat…

Jesus probably couldn't read or write. But he probably knew the letter 't' fairly well.

I saw a homeless, disabled veteran today. He made me sad: #pokemongo said he was blocking a Squirtle.

Watching Skinemax. For work. Never turn your passion into your job. It’s Amateur Hour.

Only the 1st and 4th sentences are related.

1: I missed hook up culture.
2: Oh?
1: Well, I caught the tail end of it.
2: Then why are you complaining?

“And if I was single, if I weren’t the guy that takes sand to the beach, she would have introduced me to her hot friends.” – Daniel

A: Yes. But you made a good decision in asking me online. If you’d asked in person, I’d have punched you in the nose for being so dumb.

p*tweet

'I never thought it would happen to me... and it never did.' #suicidelettertopenthouse

A fun Valentine's Day idea if your partner is sick: crotchless HazMat suits.

Liquor before beer, you're in the clear. Beer before liquor and wine, you're feeling fine.

That awkward moment when you realize that you're both poorer and more drunk than the homeless person on the street. #talkstory

Hello hep cats and kittens! Send me your questions... NOW!