Just a heads up, you guys have exactly 2 weeks to tell ur girl about the planet of the apes movies and that they’re actually sick as hell before the new one comes out

You ever gotten dick from a dude who spent 12 daylight hours reading about the Lincoln assassination? That shit will change your life

Going semi anon so I can continue to tweet about stimulants and unprotected sex

If I scroll 20 images back on your media tab and haven’t made it to last week you are not seeing the gates of heaven

Having to go private for a job opportunity is one of the most embarrassing things a person can do, but alas I was not built to be poor like u guys

“You have to post every day for the algorithm” did moses not come down from the mount but once, did my dad not go out for cigarettes and never come back

A week here with some research chemicals and 2 cartons of cigs and I’m solving climate change

Breaking news from Philadelphia

Last week I got food poisoning at a sports bar. I was stumbling down Hollywood Blvd (totally sober) after vomiting into a trash can thinking I’ve hit rock bottom and then from the shadows a black teen said “this white boy trippin” and my soul left my body

If I see this man I will perform a citizen’s arrest and summary execution at sunset junction

wtf is a situationship, decapitate and cannibalize me after mating like a praying mantis or leave me alone

I’ll never forget the time I went for a walk completely blitzed and saw this poster and was like man I hope they find BD Wong

Promoting a reply guy to mutual

That age gap piece is so benign. Where is the piece on the girls addicted to guys 15 years older than them with no money? Those are the real troopers, the aesthetes in search of transcendence

Did your man like your pics from last year at 3am today or do I have to

Music during sex is insane, only thing I want to hear is a white noise machine or my neighbor yelling slurs while watching sports

There’s no better drug on this earth than quitting. I love to see people give up on stuff, it’s ultimate expression of free will

Happy fw me Friday, yall fw me