My Venmo is @mikefortknox for those of you who wish to donate so I may purchase this. My birthday is tomorrow btw

Another Tsingtao Friday

Peak male experience you wouldn’t know anything about this

More cooking I’ve done this year. Pistachio chocolate chip cookies, cacio e pepe sweet potato gnocchi, banana bread, and roasted red pepper soup

He’s older than Israel. The only ancient desire I can think of is the desire of zionists to colonize Palestine

Got my first sunburn of the year

Opening the pool this weekend

The haters are writing peer reviewed essays about how much they hate you

How it feels to hydroplane

Woke up at 7am to do a 5k run worst mistake of my life I’m going back to sleep

1. Investigate this man’s hard drives

2. Why was this not illegal in the first place?

My friends and I had our own backyard wrestling federation where we beat the shit out of each other and now all I do is go around town looking for stray cats to pet

The baijiu gave me the power to be the beer pong mvp tonight

Tsingtao Friday

Post a tattoo that’s on you

The irs has been calling me and I keep telling them I don’t negotiate with terrorists