I see Boris Johnson has pulled out of the Tory leadership contest.

Not like Boris to pull out.

'Give it lettuce 'til end the season'

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was 'Peel & Reseal'. I've a packet of ham here looking like a Hawaiian skirt.

Just got a voice note from my ma, she's at home watching Dahmer on Netflix. 'D-A-H-M-E-R. Dawwwwmer. They're saying he's some sort of serious killer.'

Yeah he was fairly serious alright, ma.

I think going after RTÉ for covering the Queen's funeral is mad. They're covering it because loads here will watch it, she was one of the most well-known people on the earth.

It's like giving out stink about RTÉ covering 9/11 because the Twin Towers weren't in Firhouse.

Can only imagine the size of the lasagna they're gonna make for this one.

I for one welcome our snake overlords.

Ronaldo at United training.

Not sure if it's the heat talking but nothing is making any sense. I can charge my phone in about half an hour but it takes my electric toothbrush two days.

If you're eating hot food in this weather you're an absolute pervert.

I dunno, he looks fairly alive to me.

I hope you all win that trip for two to New York.

And the votes are in. You won, Boris...

You're so close buddy

The German supermarkets do not give a rats.