guy who thinks every tweet needs to solve every problem

2021 was a good year for tweets. Gonna post a thread of some of my favorite. I know it’s gonna seem like some of these are a joke but I promise you they were tweeted in earnest. Going chronologically:

USPS is now sending FREE at-home rapid Covid tests 👉🏽Limit of one order per residential address 👉🏽One order includes 4 individual rapid antigen COVID-19 tests 👉🏽Orders will ship free starting in late January Form👇🏽 special.usps.com/testkits

wife: ugh here comes brad from my work me: which one is he again? wife: the guy that says things and you can never tell if it’s a compliment or insult brad: well well well someone smells like muffin mix

Patrick Kingsley Raja Abdulrahim English has an active voice, a passive voice, and a secret unlockable exhonerative voice that only journalists who are describing cops and soldiers actions use

After complaints, Twitter rolls back its last iOS update and removes the Latest tab; users will get the old Home feed back with the option to show latest tweets (Filipe Espósito / 9to5Mac) 9to5mac.com/2022/03/14/twi… techmeme.com/220314/p18#a22…

Having a second kid, the IRL New Game+ - Keep all your items w/ 50% durability reduction - Gold costs +100% - Stamina reduced 45% - Boss fights have two bosses - New Continuous Plague mechanic: one or more people are sick at all times - As always, no quick saves and no pausing

how the incident at the oscars challenges the forced dichotimization between rotators and wordcels, already weakened by the wordle/nerdle player overlap: in this essay i will 1/739

The mom that ran in and saved her kids after being handcuffed in Uvalde finally spoke out.

I used to drink tons of Diet Coke but it’s been one month since I’ve had a drop. I want to share some of the changes I’ve observed in myself over that time: - My health is unchanged - I’m less happy - My one source of joy is gone Thanks for encouraging me on this journey!

Me: Here’s half my income. Daycare: Cool. Here’s a new virus every other week.

Profits. Not total revenue. Profits.

Fucking gross

Okay twitter blue has been such a success I need to do a thread. Feel free to add to the 🧵on the great launch of this product

"The Verge reached out to Musk for comment. Twitter no longer has a communications department." theverge.com/2022/11/10/234…

It’s always worth going back to see how police described a situation once you have proof of how it went down. Then you remember they testify everyday against thousands of people in courtrooms.

Being a scientist, I had to check the math. Turns out it's even worse. You could have made $53,000 (£44,000) a day or $20 million per year since Jesus was born and still not make the profits Shell did in 2022.

After Columbine over 10,000 school police officers were hired just in case a school shooting happened. Two decades later, they haven't stopped a *single* school shooting. Instead they've arrested over 1 million kids, mostly students of color, for routine behavior violations. x.com/complex/status…