he really has NO awareness of his surroundings does he

hey sorry i didn't respond i started cooking a recipe that said it would take 30 minutes and it actually took 40 years

that's that me asbestos

your honor, with all due respect, that’s that me espresso

can’t believe I’m working late and I’m not even a singerrrrr

one of my Dad’s employees asked for their birthday off and my dad said “why? Did your wife get you a clown?” my Dad had to go to a sensitivity class and apologize to him in front of everyone.

oh you walked 500 miles for me and then 500 more? that’s an ick

“you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be right now” well goodness me i sure hope not

this is actually what summer is about

i love when dogs are shaking. like what are you so nervous about, got a big presentation at work tomorrow?

henry fonda in 12 angry men:

i am not “bringing my phone into the bathroom.” i am ensuring enrichment in my enclosure

No i like him

is soup… hydrating? does soup hydrate you?

“but it’s so beautiful outside!” ah but you see. it is also so beautiful inside

[Me playing stupid games] Hahahahah this is great. cant wait to see the awesome prizes

airdropping this to everyone else in jury duty

The baba has started to walk about like an auld fella

*snorts line in a pitch meeting* it's a movie about a bunch of girls who all share the same pair of pants. one of them is curvy but that is not a problem for the pants

“They’ll say we’re disturbing the peace, but there is no peace. What really bothers them is that we are disturbing the war.” Howard Zinn 1971