*at the gym, trying to hide that i’m listening to a live recording of a klezmer band playing a small wedding in syracuse* hey everybody i am listening to rap music

oh no! don't cancel graduation! those are always so fun to go to and be a part of

(about to ruin boys night) has anyone else noticed this 80s-themed bar is doing nothing to acknowledge the AIDs crisis

i’m not gonna look at my keyboard. whatever sicko shit is between those letters is none of my business

when he says he’s into femmes but you’ve already undergone your protandric simultaneous hermaphroditism

i was just reading this article about how we should hang out and maybe grab lunch

rugs need to cost less. a thousand dollars just so when i spill it lands on something harder to clean than the floor

Luke is the best! I workshopped this piece in a group he leads and got a TON of great feedback

my five year plan? uhhhh see what goes on? check out what unfolds? watch what's wrought?

wrote this for you if you even care
medium.com/slackjaw/this-…

(first day as a campaign manager) you should be out there kissing hands and shaking babies

(inventing gargoyles) we should stick a willem dafoe up there

What if I told you that everything at the museum comes to life at night. And Ben Stiller is involved.

another banger tweet ruined by a spelling error in my first and only language

we need to domesticate the duolingo owl. i think they’d make great pets if we trained them to stop emailing you for not practicing italian

(trying to open up about the unbearable loneliness and dread i feel) bummer city. total bummer township over here. going huge bummer mo—