My wife, an identical twin, wants a baby and keeps reminding me we may end up having twins (my grandmother was also a twin).

She’s doing a GREAT job selling this, isn’t she?

If you ever get the chance, you gotta see Derrick Stroup live. He’s awesome. Out of Denver. We saw him in Wyoming with Bert Kreischer recently.

My favorite part of this is he posted it under a Seth Abramson tweet and a bunch of fellow liberals thought he was serious. Which is why it’s hard to deal with politics in the first place. There is illogically stupid everywhere.

Concerned Parent in North Texas DEMANDS answers from woke libs mad at Kristi Noem.

I have to go hang out with cops this morning to give a victim/witness statement. Ughhhh. You think your Monday is bad? I don’t want to hear it.

If I had an anal sex for every time my wife said “we should do butt stuff again” I’d probably have had it again at least a handful of times.

But we are quite lazy.

Solidarity with other folk that have a bunch of hobbies they’re KIND OF good at!

I swear babe… I was gonna like your post but the timeline refreshed

Making her life easier for her, is foreplay

sorry i’m late, someone moved my keys 6 inches to the left and i couldn’t find them.

Me [to everyone else]: social media is harming us all in myriad ways and we need to prioritize real life and make time for other things like physical health, going outside, learning, and personal relationships

Also me:

For Star Wars Day, here’s a thread of my Starsy Warsy tweets:

When did Mark Hamill sit for this portrait?

Women: I choose the bear

Me:

I assume this is about SNL, which has been advertised for weeks

Happy Kentucky Derby day, where work is going to be hectic AF for about 30 minutes when I get there then everyone is going to go away.