little man complex? yeah, i sure am

jewish for the clout (free grape juice)

ba-dee-ya 🎺

vegan vampire so instead of virgin blood i chug newman’s own

about to go goblin median, possibly even goblin mean

god is it too much to ask to find a girl to watch alvin and the chipmunks (2007), alvin and the chipmunks: the squeakquel (2009), alvin and the chipmunks: chipwrecked (2011), and alvin and the chipmunks: the road chip (2015) with???

just found 20 coupons for free ben & jerry's, changing my tinder bio asap

please don’t talk to me i’m in mourning (trader joe’s discontinued their chipotle black bean dip)

ran out of social media so i’m scrolling through slack to feel something

the masculine urge to consume 2 pounds of frozen peas

my father would drive an extra 8 hours if he could save the $2 toll

gonna start listening to albums on 2x speed to maximize my scrobbles

will smith channeling how i feel when chris rock opens his mouth on blame game

tell my patients i’m going home, i have been destroyed by hipaa powers

soup

lorde just said i'm kinda like a prettier jesus and she's not wrong

new death grips album just dropped

emoji standardization rules, somebody went yeah you know what we need 🟥🟧🟨🟩🟦🟪🟫⬛⬜ and now it's around forever

if nobody got me i know my 7 jars of trader jose's chipotle black bean dip got me

going out without a wallet, about to tell my mugger to go fish