dave ❄️ 🥕 🧻 You can’t get the staff writers these days.

Apples and Oranges, Strawberry Fields, Blackberry Way. The Lemon Pipers, Paisley Park, Raspberry Beret. The 5000 Layers of the Onion, Green Onions, Glass Onion. Tangerine, Cherry Bomb, Watermelon Man. Why are plums so overlooked in the world of popular music?

“okay it’s really time for you all to get back to work now”

dave ❄️ 🥕 🧻 Surely they could play a cadaver in Prime Suspect?

dave ❄️ 🥕 🧻 It’s like this guy too….obviously pulling a sickie…

dave ❄️ 🥕 🧻 How the fuck does that work?

“…and why is this person not able to get back to work?”

dave ❄️ 🥕 🧻 I’m not going to read the article to find out, but I wonder how she reached that confusion. I mean, conclusion. Concussion. Whatever.

the Torygraph having a completely normal one I see 😄

sorry but I don’t have an opinion on Taylor Swift

dave ❄️ 🥕 🧻 They should just play it safe and do one of these instead

dave ❄️ 🥕 🧻 We saw that. I said to hubby ' That's not Menzies. Its dick pic bloke'. 🤣🤣

dave ❄️ 🥕 🧻 At least they didn't show THAT picture of the Hon Member

the irony is that listening to this bollox has made me feel profoundly depressed

“you really need to get back to work”

dave ❄️ 🥕 🧻 I fell over a drunk dog & under a tractor & paid £5k at a brothel which I mistook for a hospital and Im now taking time out for a man I've never met before to wallpaper my penis. We've turned the corner so I dont understand why Ive lost the whip and Angela Rayner isnt to blame

make your own Tory MP scandal by rearranging any of these words!

honeypot
drunk dog
kidnap
tractor
sex dungeon
by election
wallpaper
unwanted advances
highly racist
didn’t know where I was
£5K
a man I never met before
lost the whip
brothel
highly offensive
taking time out
penis

dave ❄️ 🥕 🧻 The same MP also had an illegal immigrant male prostitute lover and got a dog drunk and had a fight about it. His friend had to pay 500 quid to get the dogs stomach pumped.