Its important we also have a genuine conversation about the swahili dishes,They are shit,pilau only tastes good when you have not eaten anything for 3 days,Biriani tastes like boiled roots of a bluegum tree,chai nayo wamejaza tangawizi n haina maziwa,jesus christ!!

Some people take sleep so serious mpaka wananunua nguo za kulala buana,kuna vitu huezi fikiria kufanya ukiwa maskini,sisi tunalalanga na underwear

I have come to a new discovery that it is not the Drug that killed the cockroaches in my house last time,it could be the njahe i mixed it with because how comes these fuckers are still roaming around and yet the dengu i mixed the drug with and used as bait is almost finished,eh!

Daktari Branice has been ingesting averagely 3kgs of food every 24hours for the last 800days,The only significant change i have noticed because i have been observing silently is the change in her hairstyle,Nothing else,kwani hii chakula inaendanga wapi wangwana,kama leo naona…

Leo pia hapo Riverroad hapo kwa duka za Wasomali mechanic wamelipua tyre wakieka pooms buana,bibi tulikua tunatafutana huko nje ya imenti nikiwa na kipii yangu kwa mgongo kama Nugu nimechomoka mbaya sana,hiyo sauti ya bomb hunishtua sana

Polo & PoloJR in Ocha

Theres that time in the middle of coitus you just pause afew microSeconds to Thank god because you are actually inside this vagina you have been chasing for months,Ata huwa unaona kama unaota inabidi ufinye nyonyoo unaskia ni tangible, Pleasures of life buana

Longonot town has not changed even a bit for the last 15 or so years,The last time my heat map was active here was when we were siphoning Diesel from trucks tunaweka kwa mtungi tunakimbiza mpaka maai mahiu black market for half of the price it was worth at the station,
Wakiharas…

After the rich man has worked his whole life and accumulated massive wealth,his worry diverts from how to get wealth to who will inherit his Wealth when he dies,that is the rich mans biggest worry,look at Baba na walimaliza kijana yake

Mimi sio Tajiri bro lakini paste nikuekee 500kes for your Effort

Na hakuna kitu mbaya kama kuwa hosted mahali you know deep inside they don’t want you there but you have no choice juu kuna deal unangoja iivane uhame,Pale limuru kabla mshahara yangu ya kwanza iingie walinifanya mbaya sana,karibu nihamie westlands nilalange ndani ya culvert

Criticism from your own people will really break your heart so bad,Martin luther king almost gave up,so I do understand why Kipchoge shed tears like that,people you have grown up with hating you for absoulutely no reason,juu ya wivu tu

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Dj cheza Umuthi ni umuthi by Jon demathio

Yani kasarani maji inapotea mpaka kukiwa na elnino,This is worse than babylon,na mtungi niko na moja,sahii inabidi tukimaliza kukula tunaosha sahani na ulimi unairudisha kwa drawer to save water buana,Umaskini ni kitu mbaya sana,heri ukimwi ama kipindupindu

Slayquins know how to squeeze wazee buana,baba yako anaweza kuwa anakataa kuwaachia mia ya mkate lakini akiwa na slayquin he will spend thousands even millions,its not that he hates you and your mother,hes just inlove again,And he knows the slayquin doesnt love him but ignores it

Boro yeng Porwa na yeng

Kuna hii mchezo ya kupiga golf ukiwa juu ya farasi huchezwa pale Jamhuri polo club,ukitaka kupatana na watoto wa Ministers and UN Diplomats na wale wa astral projections tembea pale sunday saa nane,And frequently use terms like ‘fam’ and ‘bomboclat’ utapita na wengi sana

My Cousin susan calls me last week and starts the conversation with “Kimani ngui íno níúe níwathúkeirie maisha ngoma íno” I ask her what the problem is and she goes ahead to tell me that her dream of becoming an air hostess was shattered because after carefully evaluating her…

Bought this shit but now i dont know how i’ll lick it in public without looking Suspicious or gay in other words,nikama itamelt yote kwa mkono aki na vile inakaa tamu

Some of us who did not grow up around women are Really having it hard out here buana,Conversation kidogo na mwanamke ushaanza kufikiria vile utamtoa suruali because you already assume she likes you,siku utajaribu kumwambie akuje kasarani mfanye election anakushow “Are you mad!?”