Atheists have been giving giraffes so much MARIJUANA that they care barely able to stand up properly.

This is NOT OK

Oh wow! Kim Kardashian showed up at a non-costume party as Mystique. That's got to be the most embarrassing thing that's happened to her in a very long time

Before the #russianRetreat . shouldn't they do a referendum to see if the people of Kherson want them to stay or go?

This attempt by the Democrats to say that we're spreading extremist or baseless conspiracy theories is completely unfounded and disgusting...Oh cool, we got #Pelosigaylover trending.

So if the #WhiteSox hire Ozzie, in two years who do they replace him with? Jerry Manuel or Terry Bevington?

Badges? We don't need no stinking badges

Proposal: Russia leaves Ukraine including Crimea, returns citizens, and pays half the cost for rebuilding. Ukraine pays the other half by raffling off 50 washing machines a month for a year in Russia.

Politicians are chosen from the best and wisest of society. When we rename a turnpike or tell you what medical procedures you can have, you’re benefiting from the shared wisdom of everyone who voted for us and we consider that a sacred trust.

Tell me you never say anything original without saying you never say anything original

This is the America liberals want

For years Democrats have censored me from discussing my very irritated anal rash and I am happy that Elon Musk is allowing me to regain my freedom of speech. You might want to unroll this one.

Jack Kimble The field is open to you, Jack!

I think like most Christian conservatives I’m really excited at the opportunity to be a bigger asshole to more people on social media.

I would rather the #Whitesox rehire Bob Lemon to manage the team than Ozzie Guillen and yes I am aware that Bob Lemon died 22 years ago

RIP Jerry Lewis. The Nutty Professor was one of the funniest movies I ever saw.

The fact that Herschel Walker is willing to postpone his career as a world-renowned brain surgeon to serve Georgia in the Senate says so much about his character