Mrs Sunak needs to know if he needs new shorts for next term or not.

The man who painted matchstick men and matchstick cats and dogs and kids on the corner of the street that were sparking clogs 😊

No point giving Vennells and her crocodile tears a platform.

Nothing she's saying has any ring of truth to it.

Nigel Farage confirms he won't stand at the general election.

That's because he knows he'd lose heavily, and when he did, he'd be the man who failed to be elected 8 times out of 8.

Political gaslighter.

I've had my visibility reduced for seven days.

Bit excessive, I was already having to hold my phone at arm's length 🤦‍♀️

It'd be hysterical if D:Ream were #1 in the download charts this week.

The areola borealis, (aka the boris signal) is expected to be visible over the UK for 6 weeks.

Avoid looking at it with the naked eye.

They could make Anderson and Gullis's vote count pay per view and I'd still watch it.

The Royal Family announce they'll postpone engagements to avoid diverting attention from the General Election.

Thank God, they've been working so hard, I've been worrying.

This is one of the automated texts currently available from a certain tweet scheduling app.

Every time you see it, smile at the irony of a bot asking humans to prove they're not bots.

And humans doing it.

Sunak's being trolled by his own advisers.

''We think you should have the election on Independence Day Prime Minister.''

Notified today a rape case I worked before I 'retired' has been listed for Nov 2026.

The accused was charged in June 2022.

4.5 years of additional trauma for the victim to endure due to lack of hours on court calendars.

Meanwhile, Rishi Sunak finds an extra 150 judges, and the

It's hard being the sexiest woman in England, but even I know that everything before the first but in the opening sentence of a tweet is bullshit ⬇️

I'm not being a misogynist, but
I'm not being racist, but
I'm not condoning killing children, but
I'm not a tory apologist, but

Andrew Lloyd-Webber flew from New York to vote to cut tax credits to the poor.

In his 14 years as a Lord, Lloyd-Webber has only voted 30 times previously (out of a possible 1,898).

Just got a new PB on my morning run.

14 seconds to the bathroom from the sofa.

My work here is done 👏👏