Only a picture of Tony Visconti - the legendary producer of most of the albums I own - and look at the videos on his shelf, the ones behind his left ear!

Found this painting in a charity shop, I think it's a Constable.

So both main parties immediately reject EU’s proposal for a youth mobility scheme.
What a state we’re in.
Slamming doors in our own faces because better opportunities and closer cooperation with our own continent isn’t brexity enough.
What a stupid little place they’ve made us.

Does the FA not understand the quintessential joy of the part-time, bloody-minded, pie-eating postman sticking it to the big club? That forcing a replay is as good as a win, and can save a club from going under? In a competition that is the envy of the world.

A celebratory toss into the river???

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz334twi

Great that they checked them in the right order. Imagine how foolish they'd look if they'd triple checked them first.

“And I would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids”

For people that know:

“Show me a child who doesn’t want to hear a story and tell it back. We put them through a utility education and say that the arts are a luxury. The arts develop our natural creativity. If creativity is a luxury, then being human is a luxury.”

Jeanette Winterson, being brilliant.

It’s all been a silly mistake. I’m sorry. Here’s the blasted original you bloodsuckers.

The Princess of Wales is missing and the spare Prince is in exile and the King is treating his cancer with herbs. If this were the 1300s France would be looking to invade.

I'm doing a raffle.

Tickets are just £2 each.

All the money raised is going on books for St Paul of the Cross Primary, in Warrington.

You can win ALL these SIGNED books + £50 to spend on books of your choice.

Details HERE.

biggreenbookshop.com/big-green-excl…

PLEASE RT (thanks)

For World Book Day I’m dressing up as Adrian Edmondson from ‘Beserker!’ - apparently it’s a) brilliant, and b) still in the shops.

This is fine with me. The list of gigs I’d get to would be endless.

You too, velvet...GET THEE HENCE!

'So much of the Budget has leaked out that it has completely ruined the element of disappointment'

My latest cartoon for tomorrow's The Telegraph

Buy a print of my cartoons at telegraph.co.uk/mattprints

Original artwork from chrisbeetles.com

Guardian says that representatives of Iris Apfel, who has died at the age of 102, did not give ‘cause of death’. Er….

⁦Marina Hyde⁩ on top form: theguardian.com/commentisfree/…

That incessantly jaunty ukulele-and-whistling type music they put on every 'how to' and 'life style' video... can we just not have it?