Wogan, Norton… when Graham gives up commentating on #Eurovision for the BBC, which irreverent, avuncular Irishman will take the baton? Ardal O’Hanlon? Uncle Colm? One of the Jedwards?

Well, of we don’t win #Eurovision , I think we can agree that those lads have certainly had their fun.

I’ve just seen the Lineker clip.

A lot of people I follow, like and respect are critical of him for having no answer.

But I can’t fault his assessment (slightly obvious though it is) and would argue you don’t need to know what the right answer is to identify the wrong answer.

Tell you what’s odd: there’s no antonym to ‘too’, in the sense of “Alistair, you tweet too much”.

If something’s bigger than I want, I can say it’s too big but if it’s not big enough I have to say it’s too small.

Let’s start saying ‘oot’.

Something that’s too small is oot big.

#Eurovision without Twitter would be like the Grand National without gambling.

Weirdest, most jarring and most desperate Express headline I’ve seen in a while.

Look at this and tell me with a straight face that civilisation isn’t on the brink of collapse.

(And no, that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t buy it if I lived alone. Of *course* I would.)

Want to get in the mood for #Eurovision ? Here's the blog I wrote last year for the company I've since left. I see they haven't bothered to push it on social, so I'm doing their work for them. Anyway, for some mildly diverting stats and visualisations, see: solidatus.com/news/douze-poi…

In binomial nomenclature, this is the term for the chippy Glaswegian.

Call it envy, if you like, because you'd be right - of *course* I envy not having to worry about money; who wouldn't, particularly if you've done nothing to earn your wealth? - but this makes me *so* angry. If I were this rich, I'd take the tube just for shits and giggles.