Today at Westminster, Jeremy Hunt told the House of Commons that the Tories have 'abolished' low pay. And P&O Ferries chief executive Peter Hebblethwaite told the business select committee how he was paying seafarers £4.87 an hour.

P&O Ferries: workers on £4.87 an hour, boss on £508k a year

Whatever Tory MP Paul Scully thinks, there are no 'no-go areas for white people' in London. Just lots of places where nobody on less than £100,000 a year can afford to live.

Sunak can't tell the difference between Bury and Burnley. Conservative MPs call Birmingham and Blackpool 'godawful', Stockton 'a shithole' and Tower Hamlets 'a no-go area'. Then the Tories wonder why they get their arses kicked in local elections.

Boris Johnson inadvertently attended lockdown parties, unintentionally misled parliament, unknowingly conspired to get a journalist beaten up, accidentally prolonged Nazanin's jail time and gave his mistress a £100,000 grant by mistake. That guy never did have much luck.

Suella Braverman remains the only cabinet minister ever to be sacked for inciting fascist violence. Now that she's just another wingnut rightwing Tory backbencher, she shouldn't be getting prime slots on Britain's most important political television programme.

Angela Rayner's council house sale makes the front page of the Mail on Sunday again. But the local election results are somehow not worth a mention.

Q: What's the difference between Laura Kuenssberg and Switzerland? A: Nobody ever questions Swiss neutrality

I hear Ben Houchen is holding a victory celebration gig tonight, featuring a special appearance by 1970s folk rock band Freeport Corruption

Stockport is the posh bit of Manchester. Not a single Tory on the council.

Bassim Haider pays just £30,000 a year for the privilege of being a non-dom. But he's happy to donate £360,000 to the Conservative Party. That's how this malodorous little scam works.

If billionaire Bassim Haider can't afford to pay tax, he should cancel Netflix and learn to batch cook

Britain is home to nine of the ten poorest regions in northern Europe. And 70,000 non-doms.

As you seek out your ID before heading to the polling station, remember that over the last decade, there have been more Tory MPs convicted of sexual offences than voters convicted of electoral fraud

If you're a plasterer doing a bit of cash in hand, you're a criminal tax evader. If you're a near billionaire with ten properties including a £20m flat, you're a non-dom. Simples.

Lloyd's of London, Barclays Bank and the Church of England all say they profited hugely from slavery and Kemi Badenoch says they didn't. I just dunno who to believe.

The party that runs Facebook groups for people who want to shoot Sadiq Khan is funded by a man who wants to shoot Diane Abbott. The more observant among you may spot a pattern here.