There's no categorically right or wrong answer to the question of whether you should re-engage w/ someone who has caused you pain in the past.

What's important to your trauma recovery is you feel you have a realistic choice in the matter.

Recovery is about agency.

'Resilient' is not the same as 'unaffected' or 'fine.'

'Resilience' doesn't even actually explain anything. It describes the fact that we survived. But every 'resilient' trauma survivor still needs & deserves support & care & compassion & now.

I'm talking about you.

The thought “this person doesn’t actually care about me, they’re just here because of (whatever thing they want)” might be one of the hardest thoughts for a trauma survivor and/or addict to shake— and maybe the most destructive to our recovery.

Fear isn't a shameful thing. Fear is an adaptive response when there are predators or other dangers about. Hiding can be an enormously adaptive survival strategy.

Let blame & shame rest where it belongs-- w/ those who create an unsafe world, not those who have to survive in it.

Making yourself smaller, physically or otherwise, won't make that 'I'm too much' feeling go away-- because that feeling isn't actually about the space you take up.

It's about old programming. Old tapes.

You don't owe another adult access to you.

You DO owe yourself & your recovery as much safety & stability as you can create-- & that often involves hard limits when t comes to contact w/ certain people.

You're allowed to have feelings about & reactions to sh*t that happened & sh*t that's still happening. Don't let anyone tell you you're not.

You're also allowed to do what you can do to feel & function better now-- even if the sh*t storm's not over yet. You don't have to wait.

The fact that certain relational wells are ether dry or poisoned doesn't make us any less thirsty.

In our thirst, we're gonna fantasize about wells full of fresh, non-toxic water-- but it's real important we keep ourselves from returning to old wells we know will harm us.

Been doin’ this allllll day today. Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle taught me the importance of breathing and literally having my feet on the floor. It’s so beneficial for staying present and grounded! 🩵🩵 Thank you Dr. Doyle!!

The paradox of managing trauma responses is that they are not choices. We don't have the option to NOT go w/ what our nervous system is pushing us to do in that moment.

We have to recognize what's happening, let it happen-- THEN choose our response TO our trauma response.

Easy does it. This feeling is what it is, & I want you to breathe into it-- easy, smooth, even.

Realistic emotional regulation starts w/ meeting our feelings & reactions w/ eyes open, feet on the floor, & conscious breathing-- in for 3, hold for 3, out for 5.

You're okay.