Love yourself. But not too much.

Pinning this.

If you want lots of compliments wear a Halloween Winnie the Pooh sweater. You can get away with anything.

I love when Amazon thieves steal my package of socks because that means I’m creating more Garfield fans.

Making every moment count. I don’t want to ever look back and wonder if I spent enough time on Twitter.

And that’s how you do it 🐉

Keep making Dracula stuff and I’ll keep watching Dracula stuff. The math is simple.

Me three months ago was I wrong

Stop me from eating these paws

Why did my mom let me go as a prostitute to 4th grade Halloween.

That feeling when you reach for your cold glass of water on the bedside table in a dimly lit room and there’s nothing there.

If you saw me calling to my cat who absolutely will not listen your heart would break into a jillion pieces.