Why spend $41 on a Hampton Jitney ride when you could spend $275 for a wholly similar experience? nytimes.com/2024/04/28/sty…

Want to win the wedding reception? BRING CIGARETTES.

A journey from The Bachelorette to The Bachelorette to Bachelor In Paradise to The Bachelor to a walk down the aisle. nytimes.com/2024/04/29/sty…

I gasped upon seeing that one of the grooms is Ξvan Ross Katz who is hilarious, an icon, and a legend. Love the homage to Mary Kate Olsen's wedding via bowls of smokes and OF COURSE Dorinda was there. Classic, perfection, no notes. I tip my G&T to the lovely couple, Evan + Billy!

Happy birthday to Selena Coppock / NYTimes Vows! The most elegant fellow Masshole to ever (successfully) chase down a mugger after he stole her purse

You wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me.

'It's not like I think there's a deadline for when you should get married, per se, but once my two best friends from college got engaged, I suddenly found myself proposing to the next girl I met--err--I mean, to the next girl who I loved,' swooned the groom.

“I married my best friend,” marveled the groom, while standing alongside his boyhood best friend, high school best friend, fraternity best friend, and the best friend with whom he co-founded a fledgling business.

If you have never skulked around an ex's online wedding registry while muttering about their bad taste in home goods, have you ever really been in love?

Wedding Guest Blissfully Unaware She Barely Made The Cut theonion.com/r/50458tsd

Playful talk of pursuing, chasing, stalking can be fun but there’s a fine line between cheeky and psychotic.

One man’s “the playful dynamic that I want just isn’t quite there” is another man’s “I’m 39 and my parents want grandkids, so...”

April showers bring May flowers.
What do Mayflowers bring?
WASPS who won't shut up about their lineage.

The Grey Lady isn't one to spill beans, but suffice to say the bride + groom's 3rd date lasted from Friday to Sunday IF YOU CATCH MY DRIFT.

I know that I rant and rave about OPEN BAR, RAW BAR, TENT, 12 PIECE BAND, but between you and me, there is nothing more wonderfully chic than a tiny, low key affair with just a handful of people, some cake + champagne on the grounds of the bride's parents' country house.

Do you hear that sound? Faintly, in the distance? It's Eyelet Season fast approaching.

This subhead is literal perfection: Matching velvet tuxedos for spring? Criminal. Reception at Ralph Lauren's Polo Bar? Dull. Guests including Matt Lauer, Alec and Hilaria Baldwin, and Luann de Lesseps? Oof. jezebel.com/don-lemons-wed…

As the old saying goes, FIFTH TIME'S THE CHARM. thecut.com/article/rupert…

My album Everyone Should Be My Exact Same Age is out now and streaming on all platforms

Hope you enjoy ❤️

open.spotify.com/album/2czZZOeX…

Speaking too soon? That's my favorite pastime!