Thoughts for my 6yo who is making difficult decisions in the zoo gift shop and muttering to himself “it’s not my last time here, it’s not my last time here”

Midwest peer pressure is when your neighbor just mowed their lawn and you now have 24 hours to respond

Are you even a dad in his 40s living in the country if you don't spend your Saturday morning walking your yard with a stick in your taped up yard shoes shaking the stick and yelling at birds making nests on your house?

I thought I liked the style of the clothes on Temu, but then when I got them I realized I just liked the perfectly tan skin and soft beach waves of the models, and those were missing from my order

Yelling at my mom to hurry up and get dressed so we can go spend quality time as a family was not how I expected to spend my Saturday morning

I made dinner for the past 2 nights and I told my wife I guess we're even now and by the look I received and the stab wound in my abdomen, I don't think I was right.

It's almost 10am.
14 spent the night with a friend and 11 and 9 are still sleeping. A peaceful Saturday morning. I'm sorry, toddler parents.

My husband asked if I could swing by Costco on a Saturday, so he's either gone insane or mad at me about something.

welcome to your '50s, your cool new smartwatch now looks like this

We have 10 minutes until we have to leave the house, and that’s when my husband decides he wants to discuss how we need to rent a steam cleaner for the basement carpet.

Can someone PLEASE for the love of everything that’s holy explain this method to me like I’m a second grader. Because I have to explain this to my second grader and I can’t.

A mugging but it’s just my husband finally bringing 9 dirty coffee cups downstairs

i catch myself explaining myself to myself so much that it's getting weird

It got cold again.
Still perfect cigar weather.

What's your Friday night plans?

This is my last weekend being 40. I turn 41 on Monday. Wild.

I made dinner for the past 2 nights and I told my wife I guess we're even now and by the look I received and the stab wound in my abdomen, I don't think I was right.

Teenage boys these days are rocking the Bea Arthur hairstyle like a boss.