Last night, my kid brother Zachary Oguda called me issuing threats that if I don't represent him at the Donholm Seniors FC Gala Dinner, he ask God to direct all the floods in Nairobi to my gate. The young kids don't respect their seniors anymore.

Many of the casualties in that ill-fated lorry swept away by floods in Makueni were hawkers heading to Kasikeu Township for their weekly market day, but you haven't heard any statement from the Head Hustler Himself, as if he won't need Mama Mboga to sign his IEBC papers again.

Masinga and Kiambere Dams overflowing downstream, and the Gov't has appealed to Garissa and Tana River residents to move to higher grounds, without saying where the higher grounds are and who's going to take care of them while there. Next time you go to the ballot, vote wisely.

The Deputy President is appealing to Kenyans to be responsible for their own lives and safety during the flooding period. Next time you go to the ballot booth, you could as well draw your own image and vote for yourself, because your safety starts with you.

More than 70 people dead. 130,000 displaced. The Met Dept says heavy rains to continue this weekend. But instead of your favourite God chosen president staying on the ground to coordinate mitigation activities, he's competing with lcarus on who can fly closer to the sun.

Next time, vote wisely.

Mutahi Kahiga is the Nyeri Governor where Deputy President Rigathi Gachagua comes from. UDA politicians in Mt Kenya are now crying for Ruto to return the one-man one-vote initiative that they shot down because it was being sponsored by Uhuru Kenyatta. Next time, vote wisely.

Both Houses of Parliament held a joint sitting to broker a deal between the KMPDU and the Gov't, only for Governors to remain at home because they don't care whether patients die as they have the best medical insurance at taxpayers' expense. Next time, vote wisely.

The Mombasa Governor is chairing emergency cabinet meetings to plan ahead of the floods, while your favourite God chosen president took flight at the first drop of rain and left us with Moses Kuria to insult our intelligence. Next time, vote wisely.

Only UDA ballot boxes will be airlifted to safety. The rest of you must swim to school with your exercise books floating on water. We are African and Africa is our business.

As flood victims wait for Ruto to send the help he promised 24 hours later, the choppers that were to rescue them have been diverted to carry UDA ballot papers for marooned flood victims to vote on rooftops. We thank God for Benny Hinn.

Francis Ole Kaparo has also decided to take advantage of his new book to drain the swamp. Someone call the fire brigade.

The Tanzania Minister for Agriculture has told Kenyans to remove Tanzanians from their mouths because they 'do not associate with the popular hustler culture.' Bwana Ruto should've just given Mithika Linturi the Ministry of Airbnb and save us this national embarrassment.

Mama Samia Suluhu. Wakenya twaomba kwa heshima na unyenyekevu huyu jamaa akifika kwako tafadhali mwambie arudi kwao kabla akuambukize kasumba ya incompetensi, juu ameacha Wakenya kwa hali mahututi yeye akipeperuka kama popo si ndege si mnyama. Eeh Jirani sikiliza sala zetu.

The Gang every Thursday is a tag-team you wouldn't want to face. Here is Yvonne Okwara chesting down a slide rule pass from Jamila Mohamed inside the danger area before slamming the screamer into the top corner. Someone tell the referee to stop the count.

Jamila Mohamed has also decided to continue with the Lord's work, as the whole country waits for Moses Kuria to wipe his mouth with an electric blanket. The fear is gone everywhere, and we will be there no matter what.

If there's one MP you can be sure to put his money where his mouth is, that guy is Bumula MP Jack Wamboka. Someone look for Mithika Linturi and tell him it will need more than losing hotel keys to save his life from being washed away by the raging floods. Someone call a canoe.

NCPB wrote to farmers who bought fake fertilizers to come for compensation, only for KEL Chemicals to fire back asking them to remove KEL from their mouths and tell Kenyans who gave back the money they're using to compensate farmers with. Bwana the fear is gone everywhere.

The elephant has started trembling on top of the tree again, and the doctors are still on strike.

The same people telling doctors to live within their means cannot muster the courage to take their own Malaria vaccine. Who's the chicken now?