If you never liked Oasis, or more daringly, thought they were boring, it is VITALLY important that you tell everyone. This is something that people NEED to know. Crush their joy. Everything must always and forever be about you.

Nik Ferrari, 8 weeks into the new Labour government, asks: "How much longer can they lay the responsibility of the last 14 years at the doors of the Conservatives?" Umm, a bit longer. Boris Johnson was still blaming Labour, 14 years in.

‘So Liam & Noel, what was it that first attracted you to a multimillion pound family reunion?’

I

Well, that’s one way to clear a train quickly.

Squeeze

John Redwood John. As you flannel your conkers in the sink wearing only vest & socks you smile broadly. You remove debris & resins from your hairs down below with a cheery whistle. If only Keir were like you John. Our cheery chappy. Your tweets bring tears of joy to Bunty’s nub. ❤️

Lots of requests for myself and Harry to revive Kevin and Perry since Oasis announcement. It’s not gonna happen. Mainly because I’m now 60 and H is 108 but thanks ever so for the love.😁

‘Tommy Robinson’s’ elderly nan & grandad have today made an urgent appeal for their missing grandson to get in touch. They describe their much-loved lad as being extremely short in stature, with glow in the dark turkey teeth and last seen dressed head-to-toe in Stone Island gear.

"Can I keep my socks on, or L'll have nowhere to stash my tips...."

Just tuning into la vuelta to find a pleasing lack of Carlton Kirby

The influence of the Daily Mail on the BBC remains huge..even though the party it supports was slaughtered at the general election. The banal assertions of ‘impartiality’ are not valid while it tamely and fearfully follows up overblown Mail stories:

Jacob Rees-Mogg Define mean, Jacob… Is it removing a portrait from a hallway? Or removing milk from children? You ridiculous, emotionally stunted, little man.

I think you’re confusing an amalgamated mess of assertions with facts. A platform that prioritises ‘2+2=5’ over ‘2+2=4’ because it gets more clicks, is not a reliable source of truth.

Now Starmer's gone too far; he's removed Liz Truss' portrait.

Rt Hon Nadine Dorries x.com/coldwarsteve/s…

lol

The first sentence just keeps giving

Absolutely hilarious 😂

Very sad to hear this news about Zoot Money — a lovely man, great company.