I talk a lot of shit for someone who tells myself to 'concentrate' out loud when carrying a plate of food

Jaw-Dropping Penis Mystery is the title of my autobiography.

Just imagine how much money coat manufacturers made during the Cold War.

If I were on Little House on the Prairie, I would invent the internet.

I’m starting to question my uncle Kyle’s claims of being a marine. I can’t find any record of an armored jet ski division stationed at Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville.

I will admit, plugging in the USB stick correctly on my first try gave me the confidence I needed today

The CDC now recommends sticking to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to.

The person who named the wah-wah pedal should name more stuff

That photo you’ve seen of me pushing children down to get in line 1st at the Pizza Hut buffet is most likely AI generated.

I’m going to Mexico to try an authentic Baja Blast.

Great news everyone!
I am ready to snap at the most minor inconvenience

[the inventor of golf] How can we monetize getting angry in a field?

When you mentioned a beer flight I thought we were flying somewhere cool. This is just a board with 4 IPA’s on it.

Microdose retirement by doing nothing for two days in a row.

my dogs probably think i'm an idiot for only sleeping once a day

“That’s so Raven”

- Edgar Allen Poe

Celebrate the winners for Trash Pandamonium Contest

iain 🍔
Alison the Read 🥪🥪
𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓  🍣
boob-oo-ɾɑҍҍíԵ 🍗🍗
Terri Paella Piñata 🍌
The Deducers 🌎 🍕
Jono 🥗
Adam 🥩

Did the Sonic drive thru guys exist? Or was it just a figment of our imaginations?