6: “How come people have hair?

Hairdresser: “Well I think to protect their heads from sunlight.”

6: “Well then how come you don’t?”

…

Kids are savage. And rude. And hilarious.

My washing machine claiming it only has 1 minute left is why I have trust issues

My husband has some nerve commenting on my grey hair like he isn’t the cause at least half of them

What I wouldn’t give to see Travis Kelce’s group chat with his friends right now. Like, “Dude! You could have just told us to leave. We would have taken the hint.”

My kindergartener experienced her first smart toilet on our vacation. Her reaction? “If it was really smart it would get a new job. I’d much rather be a sink.”

I need time off, I’m so stressed out, I need a break

*Takes time off*

Well, now what do I do

Parents of toddlers are the biggest gamblers like when your kid asks to help but you’ve just finished so you say something like: I’m done mixing the ingredients but I really need someone to watch them bake, and then you hold your breath hoping they don’t call your bluff

My wife and I are currently on day three of a silent argument of who is going to clean the lasagna pan that's soaking next to the sink.

I will never forget the time that I helped interview a man for a job opening and when he was asked what he would contribute to the team he said “probably snacks”

For my birthday I had a GI appointment in the morning where I scheduled an endoscopy, followed by a call with a lawyer to discuss my living will.

Getting older sucks.

Me, parenting my kids 10 years ago: We don't hit each other. We use our words. 

Me, parenting teens now: Please take it outside if you’re going to kill your brother. I just cleaned.

Whoever came up with the dig for gems or dinosaurs kits clearly had no kids, or hated parents.

Also, find me one kid who can complete them on their own, and I’ll send you my incomplete kit

My sons keep roasting each other with “Yo Mama” jokes and keep realizing that they share the same mama.

Just overheard two women talking and one complimented the other’s shirt and she said thank you without adding where she got it from or that it was on sale. I wasn’t aware this was something people could do.

When my teachers said I should pay attention because I’d need to know this stuff for the future, I didn’t realize they meant when my kids were in school and I had to do it all over again

In my 20s: looking for clothes and other things to make me look cool.

In my 40s: looking for anything to make me feel like I'm not dying.

Me to 8: Please stop growing bigger

8: YOU stop growing bigger

And just like that, a sweet moment was ruined

What would you do in this situation?