Testing a theory...

You still are there too!

LOL, yes. I tossed in $1 for The Onion. Who knows, if we get a cleaner Onion site with MOAR CONTENT, then sure. Might as well risk the $1. Infinite upside, capped downside.

Best dollar I’ve ever spent.

It’s the gift that never starts giving!

Fine. I donated.

FWIW cow slot machines are amooosing.

Jeff Lawson Tim Onion I gave you $5 because I am on vacation and spent more on crepes and I love what you are doing so much

I promise. But if you don’t give us the dollar before going to sleep tonight you will turn into a cow slot machine in your dreams and you’ll never wake up and if you do wake up you’ll be a cow slot machine in real life.

If you give us another dollar, we’ll give it to Conan next time we see him. Maybe.

You are in fact superior.

Yes. Yes. Excellent. Excellent.

I love this. I've received way more than $1 of value from The Onion and I'm happy to pitch in.

I gave The Onion $1 and got absolutely nothing in return. Super fast shipping. Nothing arrived almost immediately. Would buy again. 5 stars.

That’s the spirit. Throw in a buck. Throw it on the floor. Make The Onion crawl around picking up your loose change while you laugh and point. Then do it again.

All glory to the hypno-Levie.

Jeff Lawson Obligatory.

Some important updates:

The new chairman of The Onion is Jeff Lawson. He will continue to run Global Tetrahedron, as he has since its founding in 1634.

@LeilaClaire Brillson, former exec of the communist app TikTok and current Flaming Hydra writer, is our Chief Marketing Officer.

You are a hero Jared.