You're in her DMs, I have her blocked. The reasons for this will soon become apparent.

Got my new business cards printed.

Studies have shown that intelligent people swear more than stupid motherfuckers. 😵

Best name on a thesis, ever

This salad had better calm the fuck down

hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names

The power of friendship.

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

Trinity College, Dublin.

Poker Origami

🤝

Know when to fold 'em

Learning French on Duolingo

Expectation Reality

If women stopped using so much moisturiser, maybe we wouldn't have to open so many fucking jars for them.

Later? Please delete it now.

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

Stop saying 'it’s okay' when it really isn’t .

You ever check to see what’s trending and not have a clue who or what any of these people or things are?
Just me? Cool cool cool.

Back in my day I had to roll down my car windows with my bare hands

wanna go scream into the void with me? we can get food later.

Hello darkness my old friend.
I stood up way too fast again.

Me: I don't like this ad.
Twitter: Okay, here it is 33 more times.